she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
