First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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