Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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