shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
