I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
