I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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