They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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