did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
