I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
