He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
