My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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