Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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