Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
