Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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