Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
