Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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