please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
