Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
