Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
