They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
