FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
