Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
