Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
