I just saw a hot homeless man
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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