can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
