She said her name was "party"
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
