Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
