theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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