eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
