she smelled like a LAN party
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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