Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
