Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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