Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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