I'm gonna have a badass scar
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
