I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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