I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
