covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Randomize
