false alarm. still invincible.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
