Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
