I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
