Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
