I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
