Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
