I am in a vortex of obligation.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
