On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
