you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
