He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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