I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
