it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
