dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
