The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
